Book Marketing Kung Fu vs. Telemarketing Tae Kwon Do

Telemarketer: “Hello, I’m ABC from XYZ. How are you tonight?”
Me: “I’m great. How are you?”
Telemarketer: “Fine, thank you. We’re conducting a survey—”
Me: “Hey, I need you to do me a favor. Go to right quick.” Slight pause. “Let me know when you’re there.”
Telemarketer: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t have access to a computer at the moment. I’m calling because—”
Me: “Okay, then get on your cell phone and access Amazon from there. Stay on this phone with me and get on the internet with your cell phone.”
Telemarketer: “Believe it or not, I don’t have a smart phone, sir. The reason I was calling is—”
Me: “Ask someone to borrow their smart phone and get on Amazon real quick.”
Telemarketer: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re not allowed to have cell phones while we’re doing surveys.”
Me: “Well, do you have a pen and paper?”
Telemarketer: “Yes, sir, I do have that.”
Me: “Let me know when you’re ready to write something down.”
Rustling noise in the background.
Telemarketer: “Okay, I’m ready.”
Me: “Write down ‘BJ Bourg’—that’s the name of the author.” I waited a few seconds. “Got that?”
Telemarketer: “Yes, sir.”
Me: “Now write down ‘JAMES 516’—that’s the name of the book.” Again, I waited a few seconds. “Did you get that?”
Telemarketer: “Yes, sir.”
Me: “When you get a chance, go to and buy a copy of the book—you WON’T regret it!”
Telemarketer: “Okay, sir, thank you for the tip. Goodbye.”
The line went dead.
Book marketing kung fu wins!

BJ Bourg is the author of JAMES 516 (Amber Quill Press, 2014), THE SEVENTH TAKING (Amber Quill Press, 2015), and HOLLOW CRIB (Five Star-Gale-Cengage, 2016).
© 2015 BJ Bourg

4 thoughts on “Book Marketing Kung Fu vs. Telemarketing Tae Kwon Do

  1. Hilarious! We get so many of these calls even though we're on the no call list. It's really annoying. We just hang up or screen them and don't answer. But why not pitch them our novels? After all, they are trying to sell us something.

  2. I thought I was on a no-call list, too. Yeah, and what if they actually went out and bought a copy? They'd have one hell of a story to tell; "I heard about this book from some random person I was harassing at work the other night…"

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